Dear Diary๐Ÿ“’

It’s been a month, a month that has been torture at it’s best painful at it’s best but it’s whatever I brought it to myself so all I have to say is whatever happens happens and it already happened so let’s learn to live with the consequences ๐Ÿ˜‘

But anyways whom am I lying to๐Ÿ™‚ I can’t go a day without wondering what he’s doing or where he at ๐Ÿฅบ or who he is with๐Ÿฅด Did he move on as I think he has or is it that he’s still holding on to the thought of us just like I do๐Ÿ˜ช But he said I’m hard to move on from and after me there’d probably never be another ๐Ÿ˜

I mean I messed up I know, and if I could take back what happened I would but this ain’t August anymore is it? We’re not moving past this are we? (guess not๐Ÿ’”) I’m torn because I can’t move a day without thinking about you. I wonder if you do the same. Some nights I’m wishing you would call me like you used to even though you didn’t want to but you just had to๐Ÿฅบ. I could call I know but the big question is will you pick up? I guess not๐Ÿ’”

I wish I could continue writing past this but Dear Diary I can’t get myself to do it. I’m too torn, too hurt, too broken๐Ÿ™‚ I guess it’s two thousand and seventeen all over again but this time without my best friend ๐Ÿ’”

Dear Diary ๐Ÿ“’; A letter to my crush๐Ÿฅบ

Is it the fact that I ๐Ÿ˜Š I ๐Ÿ˜‚ I have a sense of humor๐Ÿ˜ and I have a lot of people hanging around me๐Ÿ‘ฏ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿฟโ€๐Ÿคโ€๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ญ๐Ÿฟ that you can’t see that the smile does not reach my eyes๐Ÿ™‚, the laugh is forced๐Ÿ˜ the sense of humor hides my insecurities๐Ÿ˜‘ and the friends are just a source of distraction ๐Ÿ˜ช

Distraction from the shell I hide in๐Ÿ’” the walls I’ve built up high no one can climb๐ŸŒš all just because I’m afraid of you seeing the empty depressed lonely side of me which is the actual me๐Ÿ™‚

Afraid that once you see this you’ll flee because you cannot handle a depressed human with a lot more troubles and insecurities that you can’t handle as you have those of your own ๐Ÿ˜ช Afraid that you will panic and leave when my anxiety kicks in and you don’t know how to deal with it๐Ÿ˜” Afraid that the insecurities I have that make me overthink about your intentions towards me will push you away ๐Ÿ˜ Afraid that you’ll draw me in make me obsessed and dependent on you just to up and leave like I never meant ish to you๐Ÿ’”

I’m I wrong to think of all these things that make me afraid to believe that you actually like me genuinely with my flaws๐Ÿฅบ Wrong to think that you actually like me because of the company I keep๐Ÿ˜ Wrong to think that you like me because I’m a puzzle to you one that intrigues you๐Ÿ™‚ Wrong to think that I’m a maze that you want to uncover it’s secret doors and later leave when you’re done๐Ÿ˜”

I’m sorry that I can’t be a normal girl who knows what she wants but instead a messed up girl who is just as confused about herself ๐Ÿ˜ฃ If only I was just a normal girl then I’d like you without triggering my insecurities and just say,”Fudge it ๐Ÿ˜ƒ it is what it is ๐Ÿ˜Š” but sadly I’m not๐Ÿ˜ž

I wish I could tell you to please wait for me until I’m better or just hold me until everything gets better ๐Ÿฅบ I wish it were that simple ๐Ÿ˜“

When you see this I hope it won’t change your mind about me๐Ÿฅบ about us๐Ÿฅบ because I actually like you too๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿพ

You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness
Jonathan Safran Foer