Dear Diary 📝

I’m scared. This is the first actual time I’m saying this. I’m scared I’m losing myself. I don’t know how to explain this feeling but I’m tired of putting up a facade when I know I’m not okay. I don’t know who I am. I’m just an empty shell of who I used to be.

If you’d look at me you’d really admire the kind of happiness I hold. Most people know me as quite bubbly but I’m I really? They don’t know how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep, how many times I’ve wished that I could talk to somebody, anybody. But I can’t not because I don’t want to but because I can’t form words to explain my hurt my pain my emptiness.

Sitting on my bed at night asking myself where I went wrong. What I’m lucking. Is this how I’ll spend the rest of my life? Cause I don’t want it. I don’t.

I’m slowly breaking but no one can tell. They said those who laugh loudest have a lot to hide but seems like not all of them know.

High expectations, that fucked me up. Overthinking, ruined me. But for pits sake I’m only a teen. I’m still learning so why me? Guess it’s a phase we all go through.

It hurts you know, when those around you can’t see through you. Everyone thinks you’re fine cause you’re still young so what got you stressing when you should be living your best life? I wish I knew too.

Somebody hurts you yet you apologize to them,”My bad, I’m sorry.” Why you ask? Cause you don’t want to lose them. It’s the fear of being alone, the fear of not being surrounded by people, it’s the fear of not being enough.

Anywho, who cares anyway? No one just like I thought.

I seek to be free, mind body and soul 😪

14 thoughts on “Dear Diary 📝

Comments are closed.